Serving Professional Relationships

Turn your thanks into giving. 70 ways to act on your gratitude.

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FallThanks

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”

– John Fitzgerald Kennedy

I have to admit it; I’m one of those people that doesn’t wait until after Thanksgiving to start my holiday season. I’m singing carols and thinking about Christmas decorations already. I know it’s wrong since Thanksgiving hasn’t passed yet. I just can’t seem to help myself. I know that Thanksgiving deserves better.

Thanksgiving is a tremendous holiday marked with amazing food and thoughts of gratitude and community. If you want to put the spirit of Thanksgiving into action right now, below are 70 simple ways to get started. Why wait?

70 Ways to Live Your Gratitude

  1. Send encouragement to someone taking care of an aging parent.
  2. Rake your neighbor’s leaves.
  3. Donate coats and blankets you won’t use often.
  4. Register to be an organ donor.
  5. Be bold enough to ask for help. Let someone else experience the gift of giving.
  6. Get to know someone on a deeper level. Who did they love? What did they lose? What matters most to them?
  7. Be a connector. Introduce two people with mutual interests or career pursuits.
  8. Multiply the impact of your donations by joining a giving circle.
  9. Share this post to give others ideas on gratitude in action.
  10. Brighten a teacher’s day. Send in an unsolicited treat or thank you.
  11. Treat your spouse to an unexpected display of passion.
  12. Do online research about the distinction between charity and philanthropy.
  13. Encourage someone to share their faith with you in a place where it is normally kept quiet (work, school, etc).
  14. Grant someone the freedom to parent differently than you without judgment.
  15. Bring a neighbor an unexpected gift.
  16. Register to vote or correct your voting information.
  17. Offer an elderly pet owner peace of mind by suggesting you care for their beloved pet whenever they are unable.
  18. Choose to share something shameful or painful in your past if it will help another feel less alone.
  19. Rally around an acquaintance going through a difficult time. Sometimes it’s the most unexpected acts of love that touch us the most.
  20. Act! Move beyond sympathetic thoughts. Vow to do one small thing (donate, advocate, etc.) to address a problem that seems hopeless.
  21. Cut a neighbor’s grass.
  22. Donate school supplies.
  23. Offer support to a grieving soul long after the funeral.
  24. Share a piece of wisdom that only comes with age.
  25. Make a call and check on an elderly family member.
  26. Laugh long and hard. Laugh loud enough for others to hear you.
  27. Give someone a gift you made yourself.
  28. Say no. Knowing you can set limits will give you the confidence to serve more.
  29. Take a walk with a loved one. It serves the body and soul.
  30. Admit you’re biased. We all are. Facing that we have biases (racial, class, religion, etc) helps us to better address our issues and to serve more sincerely.
  31. Loan someone a book you love.
  32. Don’t let it sit in a drawer. Give your old cell phone and chargers away or donate them to a charity.
  33. Treat a pet with kindness and respect.
  34. Share public service information (traffic detours, power outages, flood warnings etc.) via social media.
  35. Turn off and unplug electronics you aren’t using.
  36. Pick up trash that wasn’t properly discarded.
  37. Give someone more credit than they deserve.
  38. Hear gossip and refuse to spread it.
  39. Believe someone’s dream is possible. And tell them. They need the support.
  40. Fight indifference. Let yourself feel sadness when you see a homeless person.
  41. Tell someone you forgive them. And mean it.
  42. Put a Band-Aid in your wallet to give away when needed.
  43. Contact an elected official via social media to quickly advocate for a cause you believe in.
  44. Call someone you usually text and tell them you just wanted to hear their voice.
  45. Pick up an extra item or two from the grocery store to donate to your local food bank.
  46. Make a small online donation to a charity you support.
  47. Practice empathy. Take a few minutes and imagine the struggles of someone you know.
  48. Listen carefully. Many people yearn to be heard.
  49. Thank a healthcare provider for their service.
  50. Tell someone a joke.
  51. Save someone from a work conversation they aren’t enjoying. “I hate to interrupt, but can I borrow you for two minutes.”
  52. Actually take your reusable bags into the store with you.
  53. Actually take your reusable cup into Starbucks with you.
  54. Pray for someone.
  55. Teach someone something. Anything.
  56. Text someone a specific compliment. (e.g. “I admire how much patience you have with me.”)
  57. Give someone you love your undivided attention.
  58. Hold a door open and wait while multiple people pass through.
  59. Take time to write a supportive comment to someone on Facebook.
  60. Hug someone.
  61. Share any online article that raises awareness of a service need.
  62. Let that busy person behind you go ahead of you in line.
  63. Leave change in a vending machine.
  64. Pay the toll for the person behind you.
  65. Thank a solider for their service.
  66. Discuss with a younger relative a piece of your family history.
  67. Cheer loudly for someone else’s kid.
  68. Give away an extra umbrella on a rainy day.
  69. Serve this service blog. Send via email or social media one idea to quickly put the spirit of service into action.
  70. If you love them, tell them.

This list has been building all year.

Which ones have you done already?

Which ones do you plan to try next?

Do you really want it? Three tradeoffs you’ll have to make for a sense of community.

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Community

They say, “it takes a village to raise a child” and I’ve always loved that expression. I love it not just as a parent, but as a person that wants to be part of a village. Many of us long for the acceptance and support that comes from being a member of a broader community. Having a sense of community is also known to fuel service. Yet this sense of community has become harder to have in our modern lives. There are many reasons for that, but we can easily change some of those reasons if we want to.

Below you’ll find a few personal questions. There are no “right” or “wrong” answers – only “your” answers. They will highlight the value you place on building community in your life when faced with the tradeoffs. Your value for community may be higher than you expect. That should inspire you to make space in your life for “community” to form. Alternatively, your value may be lower than you expect. That should give you peace to live without worrying that you’re missing out on something you really want.

Privacy vs. Community

Definitions:

Privacy: The state or condition of being free from being observed or disturbed by other people.

Community: A feeling of connection and fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals.

Considerations:

Building the relationships that lead to community will require sharing personal information, authentic thoughts and genuine feelings. Choosing community will reduce your privacy.

Questions:

What’s more important privacy or community? How much privacy (if any) would you be willing to give up to build a sense of community?

Self-sufficiency vs. Community

Definitions:

Self-sufficiency: The state of not requiring any aid, support, or interaction for survival.

Community: A feeling of connection and fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals.

Considerations:

Building the relationships that lead to community will require dependency on others for emotional support, but also for help with tangible tasks. Choosing community will reduce your self-sufficiency.

Questions:

What’s more important self- sufficiency or community? How much self-sufficiency (if any) would you be willing to give up to build a sense of community?

Efficiency vs. Community

Definitions:

Efficiency: The ability to accomplish a task or job with a minimum expenditure of time and effort.

Community: A feeling of connection and fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals.

Considerations:

Building a community requires effort and time investment that is often otherwise spent completing more tangible professional or personal tasks. Choosing community may reduce your efficiency.

Questions:

What’s more important efficiency or community? How much efficiency (if any) would you be willing to give up to build a sense of community?

 

Is community worth it for you?

 

There are no givers without takers. Are you brave enough to be the taker?

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Birdsfeed

Last week, I was talking to a friend about the rare and remarkable village she has created around her family. She has several friends and neighbors that play an active role in making her life work – like picking up her son from school when work meetings run long. If you’re reading this blog, there is a good chance that you are very willing to help out others and be the “giver”. But are you willing to ask for help yourself? Are you willing to be the “taker”?

Being a “taker” is a very important role in building your own sense of community and encouraging service as a way of life. Asking for help gives others opportunities to be the “giver”. And by being the “taker” you give your relationships opportunities to grow. You set the tone of support and community. It is not the giver that starts the chain of love. It’s the taker.

Many people struggle with the vulnerability of being takers. This is just natural. But if you’re brave enough to be a taker, here’s how to get started.

    1. Ask anyway. Start with a task you could use help on, but can easily take care of yourself if support is unavailable. For example, ask a neighbor to get your mail when you’re away instead of having it held at the post office. This has to be a conscious choice to ask for help even when another more self-sufficient option is clearly available. Don’t miss the opportunity to build community. Consciously, be the taker.
    2. Dare to be in someone’s debt. Be brave enough to owe someone. It sounds like a small thing, but fear of being in someone’s debt is why many of us never ask for help. Push through the fear and don’t obsess about how or when you will repay debts. Confidently, be the taker.
    3. Share service. It feels good when you know you’ve helped someone. Let someone else have that feeling too. If you think of it, always wanting to be the giver is a bit selfish because it hogs all the positive rewards that come from service. Kindly, be the taker.

 

Are you brave enough to be the taker?

Put your gratitude into action. Here’s 60 places to start.

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Seedsprout

“Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.”

-Cicero

I find it hard to rank virtues, but apparently Cicero did not. His quote above suggests that not only is gratitude the greatest virtue, but all others stem from it. Not a bad argument. If it is true, service is a stem of gratitude. Which makes sense as all acts of service (including the small ones) plant grateful seeds in the giver and the receiver.

Below you will find our updated list of quick and easy acts of service. At this pace, we will hit 100 by January 2015. Please, please, please continue to help by sending me your ideas.

60 small and powerful acts of service

  1. Serve this service blog. Send via email or social media one idea to quickly put the spirit of service into action.
  2. Brighten a teacher’s day. Send in an unsolicited treat or thank you.
  3. Treat your spouse to an unexpected display of passion.
  4. Do online research about the distinction between change and charity.
  5. Encourage someone to share their faith with you in a place where it is normally kept quiet (work, school, etc).
  6. Grant someone the freedom to parent differently than you without judgment.
  7. Bring a neighbor an unexpected gift.
  8. Offer an elderly pet owner peace of mind by suggesting you care for their beloved pet whenever they are unable.
  9. Choose to share something shameful or painful in your past if it will help another feel less alone.
  10. Rally around an acquaintance going through a difficult time. Sometimes it’s the most unexpected acts of love that touch us the most.
  11. Act! Move beyond sympathetic thoughts. Vow to do one small thing (donate, advocate, etc.) to address a problem that seems hopeless.
  12. Cut a neighbor’s grass.
  13. Donate school supplies.
  14. Offer support to a grieving soul long after the funeral.
  15. Share a piece wisdom that only comes with age.
  16. Make a call and check on an elderly family member.
  17. Laugh long and hard. Laugh loud enough for others to hear you.
  18. Give someone a gift you made yourself.
  19. Say no. Knowing you can set limits will give you the confidence to serve more.
  20. Take a walk with a loved one. It serves the body and soul.
  21. Admit you’re biased. We all are. Facing that we have biases (racial, class, religion, etc) helps us to better address our issues and to serve more sincerely.
  22. Loan someone a book you love.
  23. Don’t let it sit in a drawer. Give your old cell phone and chargers away or donate them to a charity.
  24. Treat a pet with kindness and respect.
  25. Share public service information (traffic detours, power outages, flood warnings etc.) via social media.
  26. Turn off and unplug electronics you aren’t using.
  27. Pick up trash that wasn’t properly discarded.
  28. Give someone more credit than they deserve.
  29. Hear gossip and refuse to spread it.
  30. Believe someone’s dream is possible. And tell them. They need the support.
  31. Fight indifference. Let yourself feel sadness when you see a homeless person.
  32. Tell someone you forgive them. And mean it.
  33. Put a Band-Aid in your wallet to give away when needed.
  34. Contact an elected official via social media to quickly advocate for a cause you believe in.
  35. Call someone you usually text and tell them you just wanted to hear their voice.
  36. Pick up an extra item or two from the grocery store to donate to your local food bank.
  37. Make a small online donation to a charity you support.
  38. Practice empathy. Take a few minutes and imagine the struggles of someone you know.
  39. Listen carefully. Many people yearn to be heard.
  40. Thank a healthcare provider for their service.
  41. Tell someone a joke.
  42. Save someone from a work conversation they aren’t enjoying. “I hate to interrupt, but can I borrow you for two minutes.”
  43. Actually take your reusable bags into the store with you.
  44. Actually take your reusable cup into Starbucks with you.
  45. Pray for someone.
  46. Teach someone something. Anything.
  47. Text someone a specific compliment. (e.g. “I admire how much patience you have with me.”)
  48. Give someone you love your undivided attention.
  49. Hold a door open and wait while multiple people pass through.
  50. Take time to write a supportive comment to someone on Facebook.
  51. Hug someone.
  52. Share any online article that raises awareness of a service need.
  53. Let that busy person behind you go ahead of you in line.
  54. Leave change in a vending machine.
  55. Pay the toll for the person behind you.
  56. Thank a solider for their service.
  57. Discuss with a younger relative a piece of your family history.
  58. Cheer loudly for someone else’s kid.
  59. Give away an extra umbrella on a rainy day.
  60. If you love them, tell them.

 What’s missing?

Pay attention. Risk is asking questions and you’re answering.

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Risk

I resigned from my job this week. It feels odd to even be sharing that. But this may be the best place to do it. I often feel as if we’re on an intimate journey together. So I want to be transparent about what my journey looks like right now. I hope you’ll do the same.

I’m leaving a good job. I knew where my career path was leading. And I felt supported. I don’t take lightly what a blessing it was to have that job (or any job).

The decision is made, but it still feels risky and sometimes foolish. That is why this post is about the concept of risk. Risk is on my mind. To me, risk feels like a series of questions that begs each and every one of us to answer. If we don’t take time to contemplate the questions, our lives will still reflect the answers. Even in the most conservative of gambles we reveal our relationship with risk. Ask yourself:

  • What should I be willing to risk?
  • When is the right time to take a risk?
  • Why should I be willing to take a risk?
  • Who is worth taking a risk on?
  • Am I strong enough to risk failing?
  • Do I have enough faith to lean on when I’m afraid?

There is one distinct pattern I’ve noticed about the readers here – you instinctively know that you are needed in this world. You know that you have powerful gifts inside and a destiny to follow. Some of you definitely know what your gifts are already. Others are just beginning your journey to reveal them and walk into your purpose. I’m somewhere in the middle.

Either way, the journey to live a life of service requires that we get comfortable with risk. Whether that is risking emotional vulnerability or risking financial security. Risk takes many forms and what’s right for me definitely may not be right for you. But whenever you feel the pull of purpose and the greater call to serve, you will likely feel the pang of risk. And you may hear risk’s questions being whispered all around. I hope you will take the time to deliberately and thoughtfully answer them for yourself.

What are you risking right now?

Why it’s not what you say. And it’s not just how you say it.

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Truth

I’m late getting this post out because I spent my writing time having a firm conversation with my soon-to-be 12 year-old son. It was a conversation that almost all parents have at some point. I’ll call it the “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it” talk. Often how we say things makes a greater impression than the words and points themselves. By the time we reach adulthood, we tend to be well aware of this fact. We may actively try to monitor things like tone, body language and facial expressions in hopes that our communications will be received more favorably. This is critically important because it’s almost impossible to serve others if we aren’t able to connect and communicate well.

I was passionate about explaining this to my son. I pointed out the visual cues that revealed his mixed emotions. And I explained how those visual cues created more hostility in me than his words alone warranted. But I’ve been thinking about it more since then and in hindsight I think I missed an opportunity to teach him something additional. Correcting his tone or body language is important when showing respect, but it can also lead to suppressing the truth. Covering things up will make his conversations more palatable, but true emotions have a way of being felt and known even if not fully observed or expressed.

When I revisit this talk with him again, I’m going to do a better job of pointing out that he should also try to identify and deal with how he feels. Because directly dealing with his feelings will actually help him manage them better. It will also allow for a more open and honest exchange. I’m going to encourage him to examine his emotions and intentions even if it’s still appropriate to display them more calmly. I need him to know that tone and deliver definitely matter. But if the relationship matters – the truth about how he’s feeling matters too. So I want him to have some tools to identify his feelings because sometimes he won’t even be sure what they are.

Feelings that speak loudly

So these are the 10 questions I’m going to encourage him to ask himself. The truth behind any of these answers is often hard to hide. I’m sure he won’t remember them all but I hope he’ll try one or two. They should help him come to a conversation knowing what he’s feeling and if he’s being genuine or not.

  1. Am I angry with this person?
  2. Has this person hurt my feelings?
  3. Do I like this person?
  4. Do I trust this person?
  5. Have I tried to see their point of view?
  6. Do they remind me of anyone that may have hurt me in the past?
  7. Does this situation remind me of anything that’s happened before?
  8. Am I open to changing my mind?
  9. Am I willing to hurt this relationship to make my point?
  10. What is the outcome I’m hoping for?

What is missing from this list?

Here’s to new beginnings. 10 people and places to put behind you.

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graduation

“Great is the art of beginning, but greater is the art of ending.”

–Lazurus Long

The word for this month is “graduating”. A graduation happens anytime you end something so you can make space for something even better. Endings are powerful because they allow us an opportunity to shape our lives in a new direction. Though rarely convenient and often difficult, they give us a chance to choose a different path. They can also limit distractions that are keeping us stuck in one place. So if you’re in the mood to shake things up a bit, consider these 10 people or places worth graduating from.

  1. Graduate from places that consistently drain your energy. You’ll need stamina to serve.
  2. Graduate from people that make you doubt yourself. You’ll need confidence to serve.
  3. Graduate from places that breed fear in you. You’ll need courage to serve.
  4. Graduate from people that are making you resentful. You’ll need forgiveness to serve.
  5. Graduate from places that aren’t challenging you to be better. You’ll need to keep growing as you serve.
  6. Graduate from people that are making you boastful. You’ll need humility to serve.
  7. Graduate from places that are isolating you from diverse experiences. You’ll need understanding to serve.
  8. Graduate from people that are making you callous or indifferent to others. You’ll need compassion to serve.
  9. Graduate from places that give you a negative outlook on life. You’ll need a hopeful spirit to serve.
  10. Graduate from people that make you doubt your faith. You’ll end up believing in miracles when you serve.

What are you graduating from? And why?